


The Epic of the Speedos

by BloodyMary



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Gen, Namor's speedos, discussion of nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyMary/pseuds/BloodyMary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pietro calls out Namor on his clothing choices (or the lack thereof).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Epic of the Speedos

**Author's Note:**

> As a short explanation: In Kurt Busiek’s Marvels Namor appears naked—probably because the comic is aimed at an adult audience, so they could let the guy whose culture had no reason to invent clothes run around naked.
> 
> Naturally, I wondered what would happen if the comics were allowed to draw him nude back when he joined the Avengers.

 The Avengers had known that accepting Namor into their ranks would not come without difficulties. He was after all not an easy man to get along with, which Captain America had very tactfully alluded to.

 

Since he had moved into the Avengers' Mansion there had been many a battle—the Squabble over the Damp Carpet in the Corridor (victims: one carpet, and Jarvis's sense of propriety) and the Why We Do Take Naps in Janet's Bathtub Debate (victims: the paint in the corridor) being the two most memorable, until the day Pietro decided to touch upon a subject most had considered too delicate.

 

The elephant in the room, as it were.

 

“Put some pants on,” Quicksilver said firmly.

 

Namor did not grace him with even a look and continued sprawling on the couch, one leg twitching to the music from the radio.

 

“I understand that under water clothes are useless,” Quicksilver persisted, “but my sister is a proper young lady, and should not have to view your anatomy.”

 

“Hey, some of us enjoy the free show!” She-Hulk interjected.

 

“Your suit looks practically painted on,” Namor replied, stretching lazily. “I don't see the point of wearing something like this. It looks unnatural.”

 

“Nobody can see my... my...” Pietro coughed several times before managing a squaky “...penis...”

 

“Everybody knows it's there,” Namor said with a shrug.

 

Pietro spluttered in silence for several seconds, and then an angel of reason descended down the stairs in the form of Captain America bearing a pair of green swimming speedos, which he placed on Namor's chest with exaggerated care. Then, without a word, he continued on his way, while Namor solemnly put on the garment.

 

Pietro looked around, searching for a source of understanding. She-Hulk looked disappointed, Iron Man radiated dejection. Wanda was bright red.

 

Then their tele-screen flicked to life, and one of the new members of the X-Men appeared, her modesty saved only by her white hair.

 

Pietro started quietly sobbing in the corner.


End file.
